Here are six steps that protect your vital energy for health. These steps usually aren’t learned from simply reading because you have to keep practicing them to really ‘learn’ them. But you can focus on one step at a time to help get your energy back for vital health and wellbeing.
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Take stock of your life and notice where you lose the most energy.
Take stock and find all the things in your life that leave you feeling drained and generally unhappy. Once you know what they are you can decide to change some, if not all of them.
You enter into life as a baby usually reasonably free of burdens. As time goes by we accumulate burdens that stack up and become very heavy on our system. This accumulation is bound to happen unless you deliberately release these burdens. It may sound easy but when we are in a pattern of pleasing everyone, and/or get our status from what we do, it can be hard to let go of things that don’t add to our life force.
As soon as we let go of anything which is draining us, and replace it with something life affirming, we restock our energy supply and this leads to more energy for greater health.
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Enter your every task with an attitude of ‘How can I let this be easy?’
If you cannot let go of certain things that drain you because of commitments and so on, then another way of conserving your life force is to develop an attitude which doesn’t see everything as ‘hard’ or ‘difficult’ or ‘a pain.’ This means we actively choose to view things from a different perspective.
This new perspective can be like watching from a place in the future where we see what is happening now as already passed. From this place we can allow ourselves to become even slightly amused at our pattern of getting all worked up. Because when we look from a place in our future we see that in the bigger scheme of things, most times we are overfocused on the problem and it actually doesn’t matter that much.
The trick to help you do this is to imagine yourself 20 years ahead. So if you are 20, imagine you are 40, if you are 40 image you are 60 and living a great life. Ask the older version of yourself, what he/she did to get through this easily. This future version of you has the wisdom of hindsight which you don’t yet have. Its like a mini time travel exercise that only takes a moment.This works particularly well when you are experiencing something frustrating or painful. You can usually access some good advice and a new perspective that allows you to manage the situation better.
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Place yourself in the centre of your world by meeting your own needs first.
As much as we would like to help everyone and keep everyone else happy it’s impossible, so stop trying.
The truth is that people get upset with us whether we are trying to please them or not. An adult who is being displeased is able to choose to be unhappy with you or not. It’s their responsibility to keep themselves happy, not yours.
We can continually try to please others but it is futile because everyone has their own idea of what makes them happy. So if you give a person something that makes YOU happy, thinking it must make them happy, think again. We all have different values and our value differences get us into all sorts of problems if we don’t recognise them.
A common example of this is often witnessed between men and women. The man will express his love in a certain way – his own love ‘language’ if you like. For example he may mend or fix something that he thinks she needs and this is him being loving. But the woman doesn’t appreciate this because its not her ‘language of love’. Instead her love language is being talked with and listened to, and his is physical contact – hugs etc. She may buy him gifts because to her, being given gifts shows that he loves her. But gifts may be meaningless to him. He may put a far higher value on her being playful and joking around with him.
This is just an example of how it is easy to misconstrue what makes another happy, when we only consider it from our values and our perspective. The truth is we all have our own special things that are important to us, that make us feel happy. It’s best if we learn how to give those things to ourselves, because often others simply don’t know what we need, want, or value. Obviously communicating what we value is very important in an intimate relationship, but surprisingly many couples don’t think to express this to each other.
This type of misunderstanding happens in all types of interactions. Whenever we assume the person has the same values as ourselves and thinks the same way as we do we are in danger of getting misunderstood.
Please Yourself First
If you really want to please someone, first please yourself. A martyr doesn’t please anyone, least of all themselves. And martyrs tend to attract people who are selfish and who don’t appreciate their efforts.You might think that pleasing yourself first makes you selfish, but it’s not true. First make yourself happy because the biggest gift we give anyone is to be happy, radiating good energy, and being in good form. When we are happy we are more patient, compassionate, calm, open and present to the other. And we are simply more fun to be around!
The other reason for prioritising your own happiness, is because being joyful is the best health tonic you will ever get. Don’t allow anyone else to make you miserable. If you allow this to continue your health will suffer. Instead do what you need to do to become the person you want to be. Stand up for yourself and let people know when they are stepping over your boundaries. Many people simply don’t realise they are doing this to you. All of these things allow us to generate and keep good energy, and we need plenty of good free-flowing energy for health.
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Find Out Your Unwritten ‘Rules and Views of the World’.
You can start to understand how you’ve watched everything in your life through distorted lenses since childhood.It’s no coincidence that psychotherapy, counselling and indeed most therapies recognise that most of our neurosis, fears and hang ups are rooted in childhood trauma or neglect.
It is true what Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits said: “Give me the child for the first seven years of his life and I will give you the man.” Why is this? It’s because we are programmed from inception to birth right through our childhood with nothing to protect us from the incoming messages. Until our own critical thinking is instilled in us, as children we take in everything as the truth, and as the truth about US. We are profoundly programmed not only by words, but actions and the feelings and meanings we take from all of it.
For example a child who never gets any praise or acknowledgement or attention, but DOES when they get top of the class starts to believe they are worthless unless they excel in their studies. You might think: “Well that’s good, it will make them work harder and succeed in life!” But when no other appreciation is shown, the child provides themself with all sorts of reasons why they are not acceptable and voila beliefs are born like: I am not good enough. I don’t know enough. I am worthless. I won’t be top of the class this time, so I’d better start beating up on myself and make sure I get there. This all sounds fine and dandy until you realise that a small child doesn’t have the inner resources to deal with these beliefs which soon become completely internalised as an inner critic. They can lead to the following difficulties in adult life (and more):
- I won’t try and do that because I won’t be perfect (or the best) at it, so I won’t try at all.
- I don’t know enough to stay in the cool crowd, so I’ll stay on my own, so they don’t notice.
- Others don’t like me because I am worthless. I won’t try to make any friends.
The gentle part of a child like this (and the later teen and adult) remains suffering at a very deep level, but instead of being able to be kind to themselves, they beat up on themselves.
Before long it can lead to beliefs and subconscious thoughts like this:
I am useless, I am worthless and I am alone. No-one cares about me, and don’t know if I can take it any more.
And we wonder why we get so many children teens and adults contemplating suicide. You can see here how the western habit of really pushing kids for academic achievement without showing them appreciation or love for just being themselves can contribute to this belief system and lead to serious problems as they get older, particularly if there is other types of emotional neglect.
So if you have a harsh inner critic who says things like ‘You are useless, you are hopeless, no wonder no-one likes you.’ then get a healing ally to help you find where these beliefs came from and reframe them. This can makes such a difference in your life. It’s like replacing a worn out scratched, and badly focused pair of glasses with ones that have been cleaned and renewed. .
Your life will look very different through these new cleaned glasses. This work can allow our energy to lift and our passion for life to return. And this energy is important for your good health.
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Find your Passion and a Way Forward to Follow it.
You are bound to know someone who hates the work they do and only stays because of the money. Latest international research tells us that 75% of people in jobs hate their job to the point of wanting to sabotage their place of work. That is astounding and a bit scary!
We need to rethink what the point is of working in the first place. For most westerners, our work (which includes parenting) takes up most of our life. The only activity that takes up more time is sleep. So when you hate your work, your LIFE won’t please you because most of your life is taken up with work. It’s as simple as that.
You can make all the money you want, but statistics show that after an adequate income that meets practical needs, our happiness quotient does not rise with more money. Adequate means we have enough for housing, good food, clothes and can manage our health. High salaries and vast wealth does NOT increase happiness according to research.
This misunderstanding that monetary wealth increases happiness is in fact a great source of unhappiness in the west. Young people who choose study for a career based on its earning potential alone quickly become depressed and don’t get any satisfaction from their studies or work. If they are lucky they will drop out of their studies and pursue something that they are actually passionate about.
The other mistake is sacrificing our loves for a job that seems stable – a job for life. Sorry folks but within the next 25 years it’s estimated that with new technology 75% of jobs as we know them now will no longer exist! Shop assistants, lawyers, doctors, clerks, drivers and personal assistants are already being phased out in many industries as become more new technologies take over. Shopping/bank machines instead of tellers are already common. Self driven vehicles, personal assistant robots, and artificial intelligence for law firms which cuts out many lawyers tasks are being used already, and much more is being developed. Because technology is accellerating at an alarming pace, we will not recognise the world we live in, in 25 years time, in terms of how we travel, how we shop and how we engage professional services.
So how does a young person prepare for such a different future? And how can someone move out of a job they hate, in such a changing environment. Well the key is to find something that you really care about, and that helps the world to get better and not worse.
There will be more jobs in technology for cleaner greener environments, for passive homes, for practical tasks that are always different each time e.g. plumber, joiner, interior designer. Basically anything that isn’t repetitive in any way, that can be done by a robot, or doesn’t rely on information that can be stored. Any job that has to deal with changing complexities, will be more likely to survive as an occupation. Anything inventive, creative, custom made or adds to peoples enjoyment of life.
You may find these changes terrifying but you can also find it exciting and exhilarating. With 75% of people in traditional jobs hating their work, things in this area of occupation can ONLY get better.
If you are considering getting a new job or making a decision about training, then here are some tips to help you. Take time to answer the following questions:
Talents and Strengths.
What you are good at? What do you excel at? What do you find easy? Ask teachers, friends, parents to help you recognise your strengths. Maybe you are an exceptional listener, or good with animals or children. Maybe you are excellent at getting things wrong and this leading to a whole world of possibility! Don’t knock it – the best entrepeneurs and inventors often fail many times.
What Made you Happy as a Child?
Remember what you loved to do at 10. This gives you clues. Did you love being inside or outside, alone or with others, with animals or plants, quiet or in a lively roudy environment, reading books or playing games. Did you love to write, read or paint, play basketball or swim. Did you love sitting quietly with your grandmother?
What Needs a New Solution, Change or Plenty of Help?
What would you like to see changed in the world? Or maybe there a simple thing that bugs you and you’d love to see it made better, organised better, or have a new solution. What problem is there to solve? How would you love to fix it? It may be small or large, local or global.
What Are You Truly Curious About?
If you had unlimited time and information and resources to find out more, what would you like to know more about?
What is Really Important to You?
What are your values? What do you think is truly valuable in life. What value do you want to create in the world. This list could be very broad. It could range from:
Compassion for all
Great scientific advancement
Clean water for everyone
Earth protection
Growing clean food free from chemicals and toxins.
You name it….
How Would you Like to Engage With Your Skills?
Would you like to create (artist, architect, writer, inventor), assist, research, inspire, lead, organise, or advocate. Do you want to work with children or teenagers or elderly. Do you love working with dogs or plants or machinery. Do you prefer working in a small or large team or by yourself. What other ways can you engage your skills?
There is a crucible between all of your answers where there lie clues as to work that work satisfy your inner desires, motives and values.
If you think you really can’t leave the job you hate then put 2 hours a day into pursuing your passions and if you do, you may find that the perfect job for you is one you create for yourself. You can become self employed part time while you still bring home money from your hated jog. Although this takes time and perserverance it is a powerful way to follow your passions.
If you prefer to assist or follow, that is fine too. Find an organisation that has similar values to you and which is contributing to the world in a way that makes you feel good.
If you have to, you can start off by doing voluntary work and get to know people within the organisation. Most great positions are filled through word of mouth or from showing initiative, drive and originality.
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Work towards staying in a place of presence.
Within all of these aspects of our life is ourselves. Here we reside, whether we are happy or not, fulfilled or not, liked or not. In this place we call home we can either find a soft place to fall, or another harsh element to our lives – our inner critic.
If we can only survive by keeping the inner critic happy, we will be exhausted and this is not good for our health.
Our wisdom can only become present when WE are present. This means that our ability to stay in the now instead of worrying about yesterday or tomorrow, is what gets our being aligned with our doing.
When we are simply being, we are not frantically pursuing status or wealth or everything that always seems out of reach. Instead we match our energy with a vision of our future as being full of excitement and enthusiasm. This practice of being energetically aligned with our future in terms of the way we would like to feel (not getting worried about the details of HOW it will happen) we generate energy which opens us up to opportunity, creativity and possibility.
When we are in this state of presence, we enjoy our present moment. We have decided how we want to be, based on our best version of ourselves, and we simply choose to BE IT NOW instead of waiting till we get a, b or c. When we are in this state of priceless flowing energy are at our most powerful, attractive and generous. The giant in us begins to grow and we can grow into becoming how we want to be in the world.
It doesn’t mean we won’t have struggles and challenges. Being human is full of those and no-one gets out alive (lol :). But, when we truly recognise this miraculous opportunity of being alive on this amazing planet, we cannot be anything but grateful.
And when we are grateful we are like magnets for more of the same. Because we magnetise more of what we focus on, we have to be careful not to dwell on what we dislike about ourselves or our lives and keep wishing it was different. Too often we know what we don’t want and think about that all the time, but spend very little time sorting out what we really DO want.
So spend time working out what you want, and then take steps towards that. No-one expects you to do this on your own. We often need someone who has been down this road before us, as its all new and unfamiliar territory.
You won’t regret learning how to manage your energy because it fundamentally creates your life. Life doesn’t judge you or what you think about. But it will keep giving you more of what you think about the most. It’s like a law of nature.
So if you constantly worry about having no money, life will agree with you and give you ‘no money’. And if you constantly worry about not having enough friends, you will create ‘no friends’. Instead imagine you already have these things (whatever they are) and act accordingly.
This means being 100% grateful for any money you do have. When we are 100% grateful for money we spend it and invest it wisely instead of wasting it or being a mindless consumer.
If you focus on having enough friends, you’ll be the first to cross the room and talk to someone who looks lonely, instead of waiting for someone to come to you.
You know you are in a state of presence when you don’t worry about how you look or how you are coming across. Instead you are curious about others and actually don’t care what they think of you. Because you know that YOU ARE ENOUGH and you’ve always been enough. You just didn’t realise it.
You know you are in a state of presence when you are entering a conversation and you are focused on listening instead of what you will say next to make you look good.
You are also in a state of presence when you are energised for your relationship with your generous, kind and supportive higher self, instead of the critic who sabotages you. This larger and wiser part of yourself is there to support you every step of the way.
If you find yourself worried or anxious about the past or future, stop and remember that this life is a gift and the alternative is pretty boring.
When you play with life, know that it doesn’t care if you win or lose. It just plays along with you. Focus away from whether you are winning or losing in other peoples’ eyes. Forget about those things you think make you ‘look good’ or will ‘please others.’
Prioritise things in your life that truly matter to YOU. From this place all good things start to emerge. Life can offer you whatever you align with, and there will be no conflict of energy. Align your energy with who you really are, instead of being dissipated from trying to be what you THINK others want.
Katie Kalin is a kinesiologist with over 30 years experience working with groups and individuals. She runs a private clinic in Cork City and also does online consultations. Access a free half hour consultation with her through www.katiekalin.com
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